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...I never thought I would have one anyways Monday, Mar. 24, 2008, 12:57 pm I am having a bad day.I had several dreams this morning involving dead babies, and babies covered in blood, and people killing their own children. And I woke up and Ken was playing Skyrates. And all I could think about was the night before when I had asked him if there was anything special he wanted to do today, and he said "clean up" and I said well, can't I do that when you're not here? And he looked like it was a horrible idea and said "Well, can you clean up then, please?" So then I just wanted to clean everything up so I wouldn't be such a disappointment, but I ended up crying in the circle chair instead. Much use I am. I can't keep the house clean, I can't not ruin my favourite pair of jeans, I can't eat Easter Dinner without causing a huge scene and going to the hospital for no reason. I can't do much of anything. I don't think Ken wants to have a wedding at all. Not that he doesn't want to marry me, he just doesn't want to have the actual wedding. I thought maybe I could get past that, because it's kind of a big deal for me, being a girl and all. No. It's just taking all the fun out of everything. I don't want to force someone into some huge thing and they're going to feel miserable the whole time. I'm going to have to ask him. And then maybe just give up on weddings. |